One of the largest consumer wine festivals hits town this week and it calls itself the Vancouver Playhouse International Wine Festival. Along with it comes all kinds of seminars, tastings and symposiums. It is an exhausting week, but a great week and at the end of it all, us wine industry folk gather for beers and talk about all of the ridiculous questions we fielded from the general public. That’s not fair, I’m happy people have questions and just because they aren’t in the know, so to speak, it doesn’t mean they’re wine rubes. Rather, in this little rant, I’m going to address the wine industry folk. I mentioned that seminars and tastings reign supreme and I have recently been invited to two “Pinot Noir, The Heartbreak Grape” tastings. It’s referred to as the Heartbreak Grape because it is finicky, tough to grow and when it is good, it is fantastic, but there are many mediocre bottles in between the good ones. I do very much like Pinot Noir, but if I have to endure another damn Pinot tasting, I’m going to lose it. It got me thinking…

So a grape walks into a bar, let’s call him Carignan, a down to earth guy who loves to be social and interact with other grapes. One night he strolls into a bar and notices that Pinot Noir is sitting alone at the end of the bar. He knows she is alone because she doesn’t generally blend well with other grapes. A glance comes his way and he is caught in her gaze. He knows she’s going to be high maintenance and for the one great night they will have, there will be nights where he knows she will abandon him. Still worth it he is thinking and just as he is about to move in, he is distracted by a laugh from across the bar and the stare is broken. He looks over and sitting on the couches at the other end of the room are his friends Grenache and Syrah. They’re having a good time, laughing it up and then in from nowhere walks in a siren with a bold confidence. She has long legs, dark stockings, smoky eyes and a bold, confident approach. She makes her way over to G&S and blends seamlessly into the conversation. Her name is Mourvèdre. She’s mysterious, perhaps an international spy with other aliases such as Mataro or Monastrell. She takes those long legs and makes her way over to the jukebox. The next thing he knows, Barry White’s, “Let’s Get It On” smoulders through the air and she heads back to the conversation. Carignan is diggin’ her style and she obviously plays well with others. As they finish their drinks, he glances back to Pinot Noir, still alone, not really caring about anything but herself and now the second glance is a mere annoyance. He makes his way over to the trio of grapes and blends into the group. The conversation is wonderful, the round of drinks tasty and the tension even tastier. Mourvèdre invites them all back to her place and let me tell you, what a great night of stories I can no longer share.

My point? Enough with the “Heartbreak” grape! I’m now going to lead the campaign for Mourvèdre: The “Let’s Get It On” grape. Not to worry Pinot Noir, there will be many young Sommelier suitors for you to seduce. Maybe we should call Pinot Noir, the “Mrs. Robinson” grape instead.

Still can’t get the Barry White song out of your head, can you?

P.W.